A decade-long journey to break my Adderall addiction

A quiet and growing struggle has inflicted white-collar labor — and possibly your own office or employer clients. Longer hours, shareholder deadlines and fixation on productivity have driven young members of the workforce to seek numerous ways of maintaining energy and focus during work hours. 

Soda, coffee, energy drinks. All have become staples of the workplace. Easy-to-consume, caffeinated, and often sugar-loaded liquids provide about as much energy as they do hydration. However, when those fail to get you through the day (and they often do), there is another option: Adderall.

Adderall is a central nervous system stimulant that provides the energy and focus needed to speed productively through a workday — and one that comes at a terrible cost over time. That cost, however, isn't often talked about. As production outvalues health, this growing concern in the workplace can cause serious harm to individuals, company morale and organizational well-being. 

While its use often begins from a sincere, even hard-working mindset, the use of self-medication for the purpose of productivity and energy is something that can topple companies if it isn't managed and countered. And I should know: there was a time when my Adderall addiction almost destroyed me. 

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My struggle with Adderall dependency began for the same reasons many drug habits are formed. I was a young entrepreneur and single father of two daughters. Between raising a family, managing my personal life and working to grow my business, I found myself constantly tired and burned out. 

As is the case with these things, the harder I worked and pushed myself, the more I struggled with motivation and energy. I found myself in a vicious cycle. I needed to rest and recover to regain the energy and focus I needed to work, but if I stopped working there wouldn't be enough time to get everything done. I was trapped, and when trapped, you become desperate for solutions. 

That's when my girlfriend at the time suggested Adderall. She had a prescription and spoke highly, almost like a marketeer, of the benefits. I've found that many people fit this bill. Typically prescribed as a medication to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or narcolepsy, Adderall also can be used to increase energy and alertness.

It was these properties, specifically narcolepsy, that interested me. I quickly set up a doctor's appointment and, after answering a few questions about my struggle to focus, had a prescription. 

After my first dose, and first extra-productive workday, I was hooked. It felt like a miracle drug. I felt happy. Full of energy. I flew through my tasks and felt enthusiasm for more. I even had the energy to be a more attentive and playful father after the long workday that would have otherwise drained me.

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I wasn't just productive, either. I felt more capable and confident. It felt like my synapses were firing on all cylinders. I was smarter, quicker, more efficient and more focused. It was an incredible high, and most importantly, one that didn't cloud my brain.

Soon enough, I found myself dependent. If I didn't take Adderall, I felt slow and exhausted, unable to perform simple daily tasks. My anxiety grew worse. It was like I couldn't get anything done without it. 

As my dependency grew, so too did the side effects of that addiction. My sleep suffered, and insomnia became a nightly occurrence. What little sleep I could manage felt shallow, without depth, like my body couldn't fall into REM anymore. 

I developed mood swings throughout the day, with spikes and crashes dependent on Adderall taking effect or wearing off. It was much like the daily sugar crashes so many of us experience, but far worse. Soon even my productivity suffered. I was losing concentration, and my judgment was impaired. I found myself taking the drug just to get to the same place I was before the prescription. 

Once I realized the toll my addiction was taking on me, I started the process of cutting the habit. It wasn't something I could do cold turkey. The withdrawal symptoms and cravings were too much for me to manage at first. It took almost 10 years, but I was eventually able to take back control of my life. 

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I owe a large part of my success to an emphasis on self-care and work-life balance. I began focusing on myself through exercise, meditation and neuro-linguistic programming. These techniques worked well together in helping me identify triggers that caused cravings, understand why they happened and how best to eliminate them from my life.

The reason I write this now is because my story isn't a unique one. In fact, I worry it is only becoming more common. As we sacrifice more of our lives for the sake of productivity and efficiency, we will only see the balance of work and life tip more strongly away from ourselves, and toward the things we build. While it is admirable to put so much of ourselves into the work we do, a reliance on Adderall and other substances is an attempt to give more of ourselves than our body would naturally allow. A body, mind you, that is trying to keep us safe, healthy and ensure our longevity. 

I can speak from experience that this only leads to misfortune, both at home and in the workplace. If we are looking to build a resilient and sustainable work culture in your advisory practice or for clients that doesn't encourage sacrificial addiction, then we need to prioritize workplace well-being both at the employee and leadership levels.