Employees want more from their companies' bereavement policies

It's easy for employees to share in their joyous occasions at work, but it's significantly harder to be open about moments of loss. The way organizations have traditionally treated death and dying in the workplace aren't helping to change that stigma.  

More than 57% of Americans experienced a major loss over the last three years, according to a recent study from Amerispeak and WebMD. And yet, insurance company New York Life Foundation's recent State of Grief Report found that only 63% of respondents had dedicated time off specifically for bereavement, with just 47% receiving paid leave for such circumstances.

"Over the last few years more employers are looking across the spectrum of benefits as it relates to wellness," says Heather Nesle, president of New York Life. "There isn't much thought to the longer term consequences or opportunities to support employees beyond that initial incident." 

Read more: Why bereavement leave isn't enough: What employees need after losing a loved one

Thirty-five percent of employers offer one to three days of bereavement leave, according to recent data from comprehensive grief support platform Empathy, and 45% offer four to five days. Only one in five companies offer more than five days of leave after experiencing a loss, Empathy found, even though experts recommend taking up to 20 days off work. Oftentimes, how many days an employee can take is decided by employers based on the relationship the employee had with the deceased, according to Nesle, with the most days being allocated for immediate family. 

Using that kind of system is not only antiquated but largely inaccurate, Nesle says, and can have adverse effects on employees' mental health. 

"We're allowing them to define who a loved one is even though we know all relationships are different," she says. "Not everybody is in sort of a nuclear family as far as traditional definition holds and you can be just as deeply affected by losing a good friend or somebody who  isn't in that restrictive definition that companies have traditionally used." 

Read more: Three days is not enough: 4 things employers should know about bereavement

It's not from lack of employee demand, either. In fact, 71% of employed adults expressed interest in voluntary workplace grief support training, according to New York Life's report, and another 85% of respondents actually prefer it when employers are committed to fostering grief-supportive environments. Seventy-one percent of employees even consider bereavement-related benefits somewhat or very important when deciding on a new job.

This means that meeting those needs are not only beneficial for employees' overall wellness, but also for a company's longevity.

"When employees are distraught you're probably not going to get the best out of them anyways," Nesle says. "So one of the key things for employees to consider is how to be gentle and thoughtful with folks in the aftermath. Giving them space to communicate and time to take care of things is what will ultimately lead to greater productivity from those employees, as well as greater loyalty to that company." 

New York Life formally changed its bereavement policies from five days to 15, which employees can take whenever they want in the six months after the loss. As an additional layer of support, they also developed a comprehensive grief guide for the employee going through the loss on what to expect during the process and resources they can turn to. There's even a section for all of the employees and leaders that explains the grieving process and gives them resources and suggestions on how to best support their colleagues after they return to work. 

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"For the most part, people have the best intentions and the things that people say to grieving folks usually are born out of personal experience," Nesle says. "Nobody wants to upset somebody more than they already are, but there are a few key concepts and tips that can keep the things that are said appropriate." 

For example, the guide warns colleagues and management against using comparative language such as "I know how you feel" because it can come off as dismissive. It also discourages organizations from using language that refers to any kind of timeline as to when an employee should or shouldn't be "done" with their grief. Instead, the biggest tips are to give the grieving employee the space and control over the conversations had and to listen to their needs. 

"We celebrate marriages and babies and all these different major life events in the workplace and death is that as well," Nesle says. "We should all really be thinking about how we are supporting colleagues through it all because they bring their whole selves to work and equipping them with the right language and  information can be wha helps them better adjust back into their day to day life."