How to talk to your boss about your mental health

Talking about mental health is never easy. Attempting to have that conversation within a professional setting with a manager can make it all the more daunting — but with the right guidance and mindset, it doesn't have to add to employee stress.  

Sixty-one percent of employees feel comfortable talking to their coworkers about their mental health, according to a 2021 white paper from insurance provider Maestro Health. That number drops to less than half when it comes to sharing the same struggles with their managers. 

"There are multiple barriers keeping people from doing that, especially in the workplace," says Nicola Hemmings, head of workplace psychology at Koa Health, a digital health platform. "If you're talking to your boss, it's a power play. They are the gatekeeper to mental health resources."

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By "gatekeepers," Hemmings means that bosses and managers are not only responsible for an employee's workload, but also tied to the accommodations and resources an employee receives either through benefits and policies as a result of a conversation. Despite 71% of workers believing that their employer is more concerned about the mental health of employees now than in the past, according to the American Psychological Association, many still believe going to a superior directly could have negative consequences about how they're viewed or treated in the workplace. Additionally, just 25% of HR professionals said their company's managers received training to help them director workers toward mental health resources. 

EBN recently chatted with Hemmings, who shared strategies on how to make the tricky conversation as productive as possible.

What are some of the simplest ways employees can prepare to speak to their boss about their mental health?
Language is one of the biggest barriers, so make sure you have the right vocabulary to be able to explain what's going on. We're still learning about how to talk about and reduce the stigma around talking about how we're feeling, so one thing I find really helpful is sitting down and really understanding what you want to say. Figure out: "What's going on? What are the emotions that I'm feeling right now? What do I need? What resources do I want in order to be able to help myself right now?" Physically write down your current situations in words that you feel comfortable using.

Should employees' strategy change in situations where the stress they're struggling with is a direct result of work? 
Sometimes your manager isn't the best person to speak to. At some point in time it might be necessary that they need to know what's going on, but an employee can reflect on a situation and ask, "What do I need for my manager? Do I need to disclose a mental health problem I'm having, or do I just need to be clear about some boundaries that I need to put into place? Am I better suited speaking to a mental health professional that might be in the organization who could better help me deal with the emotional side of things that a manager might not be able to help with?" There are a lot of managers who are promoted because they're fantastic at their job, but they might not be people people. It's really about recognizing this and recognizing what a manager has capacity for and what you feel comfortable sharing about a situation. 

Are there strategies that managers can put in place to facilitate the conversation from their end?
 We put a lot of pressure on managers and leaders to share their mental health challenges as a way to create an open environment for mental health, but we need to really think about the mental health of our leaders and managers as well and work with what they feel comfortable with. For some managers, [support] can be really simple things — and this sounds flippant, but it's quite important — like bringing in treats for your team and showing that you appreciate them in creating this nice atmosphere where you can celebrate success. Some people might find that much easier to lean into rather than breaking some of the barriers by discussing their own mental health challenges. 

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Overall, showing and exhibiting behaviors that help reduce stress in the workplace is really important, and we can direct our language towards that by asking questions like, "How's your workload today? How can we make sure that you have a manageable and challenging but not overwhelming amount on your plate?" Simple things like that can really help with some of the factors that can lead to workplace stress and workplace caused mental health problems.

As mental health initiatives continue to top managers' priority lists, will we see their role evolve?
One hundred percent. We really need managers to have these skills in order to be able to support people in doing their best work. For example, how can we help managers to manage their own mental health and well being while consistently and calmly working through problems with their staff and communicating work and managing workload and helping people proactively manage the tasks that are on their plate? How can we help them empower staff rather than having the traditional "do this" and "do that" line of work. We can train them to create an environment where people can connect while still setting clear expectations about barriers.