Transcription:
Paola Peralta (00:09):
Welcome to Perk Up, a podcast about workplace culture and benefits brought to you from the team at Employee Benefit News. I'm Paola Peralta, your host this season, except once again, I'm handing the title over to another one of my colleagues. This time, however, instead of it being Alyssa stepping into my shoes as interim host, it'll be Deanna Cuadra, our senior reporter who you may remember from a few episodes ago. And just for those who don't remember today, I'll be the one sharing our guest story while Deanna interviews me. So Deanna, you ready? I think so. I know so,
Deanna Cuadra (00:40):
So Paola, we spent a majority of the season talking about parenthood and everything it includes, but we've let out a really key demographic and that's L-G-B-T-Q families and other non-traditional experiences.
Paola Peralta (00:50):
Absolutely. So around 45 to 53% of L-G-B-T-Q people between the ages of 18 and 35 are planning to become parents for the first time or add another child to their family. According to a recent poll from Family Equity, this national nonprofit that advocates for L-G-B-T-Q families, this compares pretty evenly to the 55% of non L-G-B-T-Q families planning on doing the same. The only difference is that L-G-B-T-Q families face a lot more challenges than their straight counterparts and they desperately want their employers to bridge that gap to get a more inside look at this, I spoke to Tanner Brunsdale, the director of benefits and mobility at Lyft. Tanner and his partner have not only used family forming benefits themselves for their own daughter, but in his position, Tanner also helps make some of these benefits more equitable and accessible for families like his.
Deanna Cuadra (01:38):
It sounds like he has a real personal stake in the issue.
Paola Peralta (01:41):
He really does, and we talked about everything from his own experience becoming apparent to the kind of work that he does with Lyft specifically to ensure the landscape keeps evolving so that employers can kind of fill what's missing with most benefit packages.
Deanna Cuadra (01:53):
Alright, that's a lot of ground to cover. Let's go ahead and hear what Tanner has to say.
Paola Peralta (01:57):
So tell me a little bit about what the landscape is like right now for members of the L-G-B-T-Q community. When it comes to family building,
Tanner Brunsdale (02:04):
There's a lot of LGBT folks that do want to grow their families, and people think about it a lot and they have their friends that they have kids younger, and then they get older and then they're like, you know what? I really do want that for myself and my family to have kids and have that life. And it is tough and it is expensive as we know. And there are several different routes that folks go through from adoption and there's few different methods of adoption, whether that's you want to go the infant adoption route or the adopt through foster care, and then there's the surrogacy and egg donation. I think every LGBT family story is a little bit different.
Paola Peralta (02:50):
That's a perfect segue. Tell me a little bit about how you and your partner went about it, how it kind of happened for you.
Tanner Brunsdale (02:56):
Yeah, it was a long journey and we always knew. We met 15 years ago. We got married in 2013, so we've been together a long time and we've always wanted to be parents, so we've always talked about it, but when you have to put forward a lot of effort and money and to becoming a parent, there's never the right time. And it just feels like we just waited, we waited and then the pandemic hit and we're like, you know what? We're not getting any younger. We got to go for it. And we decided to go the adoption infant adoption route. I was actually adopted as an infant, so we thought it would be the best route for us to go through. At the time, I was lucky at the time, I worked for a company that offered fertility benefits and family forming benefits, and they were able to connect me with an agency and we signed with them.
(03:47):
We were matched with a birth mother. This was back in 2022 who was seven months pregnant and we were in pretty close conversation, constant contact with her and she lived in Texas. She wanted us there in the hospital for the birth. And then we got there and she ghosted us and there was a lot of back and forth, but at the end of the day we found out she changed her mind after having the baby, which as the birth mother is a hundred percent her, right. But it was a super, super tough experience for us because we were just so excited and so ready to be parents. So we went back live into the pool and just kind of did a lot more waiting. We actually started looking into the gestational surrogacy egg donation route because we were both about to hit 40 and we're like, we're not getting any younger.
(04:40):
And it just feels like we're just waiting, waiting, waiting. And then it was last year, 2023, it was Easter Sunday and my husband and I were actually out with some friends in San Francisco and we'd had a few drinks and we were just having a good time. And then I get a call from the adoption agency and I thought it was very strange. I was like, why would they be calling me on a Sunday? And basically they told us, Hey, there was a baby born on Friday. The birth mother just decided she wanted to place the baby up for adoption and she chose you guys. And it was like we sobered up really, really quick. But the moment we showed up, everyone knew exactly who we were and they just brought us to our daughter, Olivia, and we're like, here's your daughter. Congratulations. And it was just the most amazing experience of my life.
Paola Peralta (05:34):
Obviously four members of the L-G-B-T-Q community, starting a family is unfortunately not as easy or it's not as kind of a simple decision as a lot of heterosexual couples have. And you touched on this a little bit, so this might be a little bit of reiterating, but why was it so important or why is it so important in general for companies to have these family building benefits to kind of level the playing field? Why is it so critical for them to think of other family structures when kind of thinking of family building plans?
Tanner Brunsdale (06:07):
Yeah, these family forming benefits. I think maybe, I don't know if it was like 10 years ago, they started getting popular and it was kind of the big tech giants like Google, Facebook, that I think it started more of egg freezing. Women were in the workforce, they were waiting to get pregnant because they wanted to focus on their job. So I think egg freezing became a benefit. I think they become kind of table stakes, especially in tech, in attracting and retaining talent. Our employees and job applicants kind of expect that to be something. But I do think a lot of these companies really do focus on the diversity, equity, and inclusion factor in their overall, their company philosophy and in their benefits package. And if you're not thinking about your LGBT folks, your single parents, the other non-traditional families that do want to become parents, that I don't think you really do have an inclusive benefit program.
(07:08):
The amount of people that do kind of tap into your family forming fertility and these third party adoption, surrogacy egg donation type benefits is so small. At Lyft, we have very high utilization, but typically it's around one or 2% utilization. So very small. The dollar amount in your overall benefit budget is very small, but the impact it makes to those employees who need that is huge. It's life changing. They're able to have that baby, that family that they've always wanted and they're going to be loyal to you for life. And I think that's the best part of my job, honestly, is hearing these stories of folks that come and reach out to me and just say, I can't thank you enough for this amazing benefit. Here's a picture of my daughter, my son, or he or she wouldn't have been able to be here without the support of Lyft and the benefits that you provide. So it's just the best part of my job and happy to be able to even experience it myself,
Paola Peralta (08:06):
And we'll be back after this brief message.
Deanna Cuadra (08:11):
That's an amazing story about Tanner and his family. What are some other hurdles that often make family building difficult even with benefits?
Paola Peralta (08:18):
I mean, even just being eligible for these benefits is one of the biggest obstacles same-sex couples face. Basically when a couple wants to get their IVF or adoption process covered by their insurance, they often need an official diagnosis from their doctor that says that they're medically infertile, which they define as a disease or condition that prevents couples from conceiving over the course of the year. So they need these options to start a family. But the problem is that same-sex couples aren't necessarily infertile. They just need additional support to start families, but that technicality still often stands in the way.
Deanna Cuadra (08:50):
That's just so frustrating.
Paola Peralta (08:51):
The good news is that thankfully many companies are starting to broaden their definition and make that coverage more accessible. But that leads to a different challenge sometimes, which is that some companies still just have maternal leave instead of paternal leave, which is crucial for all parents regardless of sex, gender, and identity, who want to spend time with their baby. But Tanner gets that in just a second.
Deanna Cuadra (09:13):
Alright, well then let's get back to the interview
Paola Peralta (09:16):
A second part of the story is now that you had a baby and your life kind of changed overnight. And so how was your company, whether it was Lyft or were you working previously? How were they with parental leave and specifically paternal leave?
Tanner Brunsdale (09:29):
I'm super lucky in that Lyft as a whole, we really do believe in equity and we have an 18 week rental leave policy that applies to all new parents. So birthing parents to non birthing parents of fathers, and then those going through the adoption or surrogacy route as well, or more employers are seeing the importance of providing an inclusive parental leave policy because that is just so important for new parents to be able to have that time off to spend with their new child. So it was amazing and amazing 18 weeks. And then my husband was able to take 12 weeks off as well through his job. So that time with her as an infant, it's just the best time and something that I'll always be really, really special.
Paola Peralta (10:18):
Why is it so important to give every kind of parent, no matter how you became a parent, why is it so important to give them that time with their new child?
Tanner Brunsdale (10:26):
Yeah, I mean, I think every sort of family, and like we said before, every journey to parenthood is different and every single journey in every single way is valuable. And that time bonding with that new child in your life, whether it's you birthed a child, whether it was your spouse that did, or whether it was adoption or fostering those first moments, taking care of that baby is just so special and no one should have to think about work during that time when, and it's not a vacation. There's a lot of sleepless nights, there's a lot of late night bottle feeds and figuring out their sleep schedule and how much they're going to eat and doctor appointments your head is just not where you can't focus on work. You're just so focused on this little baby.
Paola Peralta (11:20):
And obviously you also get to do a lot of work on this internally in your role. And so what are some ways that you have tried to champion that flexibility and that growth and the concept of family building benefits? How are ways that you kind of keep it at the core of what you try to do over at Lyft?
Tanner Brunsdale (11:36):
Yeah, I mean, luckily it's just really ingrained into our culture. The founders of Lyft, they really put an emphasis on this concept of recharge and being a great place to work and having these great benefits and supportive benefits for parents. All of our senior leadership are parents. They've all been through it. And so it really trickles down from the top. And then for the family forming section area is we've really had this strong diversity and inclusion and equity culture out Lyft as well. And it really drives our business. When I did join Lyft, one thing that I was able to change, so we did have rich fertility benefits with four full cycles, which would cover I-V-F-I-U-I, but our adoption and surrogacy benefit was only $10,000. Just bringing that up to my leadership and being like, Hey, we need to make this a little more equitable because those going through adoption, surrogacy, egg donation, $10,000 doesn't go very far, especially if we're offering four full cycles on the fertility side. It was the easiest sell I've ever had in front of a leadership team. They were just like, yeah, of course. Why wouldn't we do this?
Paola Peralta (12:54):
And in the same vein, I mean we can't talk about all the good stuff happening in fertility without unfortunately touching on the kind of worse stuff, which is both you and I live in states that are thankfully pretty progressive with fertility, but we are seeing, unfortunately, a lot of states do things like limit what people have access to in terms of fertility care. What are some things that companies should keep in mind when talking about the importance of fertility benefits or even just normalizing the conversation at work?
Tanner Brunsdale (13:22):
You have to look at where your employees are. And at Lyft, we're really in tune to that. I know even before the Dobbs decision, when Texas and Oklahoma were putting these restrictions on abortion, Lyft was first to say, if a driver transports a woman out of state to get an abortion, we'll cover all legal costs. And then we also took a look at our employee benefits plans and put together a travel benefit. So if we have employees in these states who need to travel outside of their home state, we'll cover a hundred percent of these travel costs up to a certain dollar amount. So you have to look at where your employees are and make sure that you're able to provide them with access if they're living in states where some of that access is being restricted.
Paola Peralta (14:10):
That's wonderful. And kind of to close us out, obviously you mentioned that we've come a long way in terms of the kind of family building benefits that are offered to every employee, no matter what your family looks like. Is there anything as you maybe plan to add to your family in the future? Is there anything you would like to see grow or any trend that you would like to see pick up or any part of this larger conversation of making family building accessible to everyone? Is there anything you'd like to see in the next couple of years?
Tanner Brunsdale (14:39):
Understandably, the focus for a lot of these family forming companies has been on fertility and infertility treatments, which is understandable. That's the bulk of their business. That's where a lot of the money is. But I think more of an emphasis needs to be paid on those non-traditional routes to familyhood, so those like LGBT, surrogacy egg donation and adoption. I had to do a lot of the legwork. I had to do a lot of their research on my own. I'd like for these third party family forming companies to put more of an emphasis on the full path to parenthood. For someone that's not going the traditional fertility route,
Deanna Cuadra (15:22):
The family planning process can be so grueling and it doesn't always have a happy ending. So it's wonderful to hear from success stories like Tanner and his family.
Paola Peralta (15:30):
I know, and I have it on good authority that they recently celebrated their daughter's first birthday in April. So that's even more good news coming out of the Brunsdale household.
Deanna Cuadra (15:37):
It Aries well, wishing her a very happy belated birthday from everyone here at EBN.
Paola Peralta (15:43):
That wraps up our latest episode of Perk Up. I'm Paola Peralta and thanks again to Deanna Cuadra for taking my place,Tanner Brunsdale from Lyft and to all of you at home for listening, we'll be back in two weeks with a brand new episode. This episode was produced by Employee Benefit News. Rate us and review us wherever you get your podcast and check out more content from the EBN team www.benefitnews.com.